Not only was Carnaval taking so much out of me but I got sick immediately after. I’m talking sick sick. I had all the illnesses and it wasn’t ’til I had to start canceling meetings and skip outings with my new friends that I learned from locals that unfortunately it happens every year after Carnaval. Now that I’ve recovered, I’m experiencing some housing instability and that is definitely interfering with my wellbeing and therefore my documentary project. I feel like I’m running out of time because it’s been a little over a month since I’ve gotten here and I’m still not settled. But I know better… everything is on it’s own timing.
First time I visited Brazil it was for about a month and I went to São Paulo. It took about that long for me to start feeling homesick and ready to go back home. I was tired of the Portuguese, and tired of some of the negative people I was traveling with. It’s not that I’m homesick, or that I miss home, because this place can really feel like home sometimes. It’s just that I miss that feeling of familiarity. I also do get tired of speaking Portuguese but in true multi-lingual fashion English doesn’t feel that comfortable no more either. I think once I find my apartment I will be able to settle in much easier. At least I’m learning that I do not like living out of a suitcase.
I’m staying with a friend from my program and as much as I hate taking up people’s space it’s been fun and I gotta allow that extra support right now. I’m literally in another country by myself. Sometimes I wake up and I’m like damn… I’m still in Brazil. Not in a good way, but not in a bad way either. I just have a lot of adjusting to do.
As far as my project goes I’ve really had to put that on pause until my housing and security is figured out. But I’ve had lots of promising interactions with locals, and am continuing with my research everyday by reading Mama Africa by Patricia de Santana Pinho. When I’m ready I’ll be recording preliminary interviews and arranging travel days to go and film in and around Salvador.
I still miss my friends. I still want a cat but I need a place to live first. Adulting is some real shit…